Post by MemoriesRemain on May 29, 2012 16:11:04 GMT -8
Hello Adam.
I recently attended your Nerd Courting panel at Fanime this year. This was the second year I have been to Fanime, but the first time I have been to your panel. I didn't know what "nerd courting" was going to cover, but the name had sparked my interest enough for me to go. I wanted to talk to you afterward, but with so many people and the hectic Fanime crowds, I knew that there was no way I could tell you exactly what I needed to say. So allow me to present you with this, my fully thought out response to your panel and your message in general.
For starters, thank you. Thank you so much for coming out, being at Fanime, and speaking to all of us. I can't tell you enough how much your lecture affected me, without even meaning to. It's not every day when a complete stranger can tell me things that I know in my heart to be the truth, when up ‘til that point I had never been able to be honest enough with myself to admit them. The things you said, whether you meant to or not, changed my life. So thank you, so very much.
I want to tell you about myself a little bit. When I was seven years old, my parents bought me a Game Boy Color for my birthday, complete with a copy of Pokemon Blue. That game is what sparked my love for gaming, and I have never looked back. Many years of my life have been spent in front of a screen, playing some of my favorite games. When Toonami was on Cartoon Network back in the late 90's, I got sucked into shows like Dragon Ball, YuYu Hakusho, Zoids, Gundam Wing, and many others. It was my love for these shows that eventually lead me to Fanime in 2011, and again this year in 2012. And of course, I have a very tight group of friends who share my love for playing games, watching anime, and gushing about the latest manga to come out.
However, this is one side of my life. The light side, the Jedi way of things. But while this is going on, there is an extremely different side of me.
From very early on in my life, I was introduced to drugs, alcohol and sex. I had a different group of friends that were completely opposite from my nerdy ones. They weren't the best influences, and I made a lot of dumb choices early on that set the road for me later in life. I lost my virginity when I was 13 years old, and by the time I turned 18, I was no stranger to drinking and smoking. I would often go to raves or clubs on the weekends, or get really drunk at a party. But what I really want to focus on is the girls. There was a long period of time in my life where I was sleeping around with a lot of women. Writing this actually made me stop and count the number of girls that I have had sex with, and I realized that I truthfully can’t come up with a solid number. I’m in the ballpark of 40-50 different girls though, most of who were one night stands or small flings, and many girls who I can’t even remember a name or even a face. All I can recall is an event that I vaguely remember happening. I started crying when I realized this. Like, face-down-in-my-pillow-sobbing kind of crying.
The point that I want to get across is this: I have never considered myself a nerd. Not once in my life have I ever really classified myself as such. Sure I liked video games and anime, but I never really thought of myself as nerdy. What kind of nerd goes out and parties with hot chicks and gets drunk? What kind of nerd goes out clubbing and dancing at raves with strangers? What kind of nerd can meet an attractive girl and actually live out a sexual fantasy with her instead of just thinking about it?
When I was at your panel, you spoke about something specific that really moved me. You said that when a normal guy is at a bar, a club, or a party, and meets a girl, the first thing he is going to think about is sex. I wonder what this girl looks like without clothes, I wonder how nice her tits are, I wonder how much fun she would be in bed. So when he goes up and attempts to seduce her, the worst thing that will happen is the fantasy remains a fantasy. But nerds don’t think like that. When a nerd meets a girl for the first time, he is going to think about a relationship, emotions, and much more meaningful things. He will sometimes spend hours or even years thinking about this girl, and building up this imaginary relationship complete with very real emotions attached. So when a nerd gets rejected by a girl, it’s no longer just a fantasy that is thrown away, it is a very real thing to them, and losing that can sometimes hurt just as much as losing the real thing.
Hearing you talk about this was like you dumped an ice cold bucket of water on my face. Literally, the day before I went to your panel, I was talking to a friend of mine that was at Fanime with me. I had been crushing on this girl for many years, and always thought she would be such an amazing girlfriend. But when I finally admitted all of this to her, she turned me down. I was crushed. It hurt so much, and I realized that I had done exactly what you were talking about. I had created this make-believe relationship, and attached some very real emotions to it without even knowing I had done it. Her rejection stung me so much more then just a random girl at a party. And with her sitting next to me at the panel, and listening to what you were saying, my eyes were opened.
You made me realize something so incredibly obvious about my own life that I had been staring me in the face since I was seven years old and played Pokemon for the first time.
I am a nerd.
It sounds silly, but this was huge for me. I am currently 22 years old, and all the major choices in my life were made without even knowing who I was or what my passion is. It’s been there the whole time, but all I needed was someone to open my eyes and show me. I wish I could accurately express how much this means to me, I know I’m not doing a good job. So I want to give you some examples of how this has helped me.
When I graduated high school, I had the option of going to college. I decided not to because I had no idea what I wanted to major in. I didn’t want to go to college and take classes that I wasn’t going to enjoy, so instead I got a full time job and just started working. When I got back from Fanime, the first thing I did was go look at the spring schedule of classes for my local college. I have loved computers and computer games for years, but for some reason I never thought that I could ever work in that field, it was too nerdy for me to understand. Seriously, that was the logic I used on myself. I talked to my boss today and told him that starting in spring, I’m going to step down from my manager position and continue to work as a part time employee so that I can take classes working on getting my degree in Computer Science. This was a huge deal to me, and I would have never realized that I had that potential if it wasn’t for your lecture.
Another big one, only about a month before Fanime this year, I had broken up with my girlfriend. We shared a lot of the same interests as far as video games and anime, but she wasn’t the kind of girl that I could take with me to a crazy party or club. I eventually broke up with her because she to different then the girls that I had grown accustomed to. The slutty party girls who wanted to get drunk and have sex all the time. After hearing you talk, and doing some soul searching, I realized with a heavy heart that I had made a huge mistake. I once heard a saying that went: “It’s not about the girl you want to spend the night with, it’s about the girl you want to wake up with.†My girlfriend may not have had that crazy party streak, but that doesn’t matter. Because at the end of the day, she loved me for whom I really was, even when I didn’t know who that was. And that was more important than anything else. Without going to your panel, I would have never realized how lucky I was to have had a girl like her, and how stupid I was to throw that away.
I’ll wrap this up now, I’ve already typed way more than I had intended. I just want to thank you again for speaking at Fanime, and I want you to know that your lecture changed the life of at least one nerd in the audience. I’m not even sure if you will read all of this, but listening to you was by far the highlight of that weekend, and you have guaranteed my return to Fanime 2013, if for no other reason than to go to your panel again.
Sincerely,
A nerd. (and proud of it)
I recently attended your Nerd Courting panel at Fanime this year. This was the second year I have been to Fanime, but the first time I have been to your panel. I didn't know what "nerd courting" was going to cover, but the name had sparked my interest enough for me to go. I wanted to talk to you afterward, but with so many people and the hectic Fanime crowds, I knew that there was no way I could tell you exactly what I needed to say. So allow me to present you with this, my fully thought out response to your panel and your message in general.
For starters, thank you. Thank you so much for coming out, being at Fanime, and speaking to all of us. I can't tell you enough how much your lecture affected me, without even meaning to. It's not every day when a complete stranger can tell me things that I know in my heart to be the truth, when up ‘til that point I had never been able to be honest enough with myself to admit them. The things you said, whether you meant to or not, changed my life. So thank you, so very much.
I want to tell you about myself a little bit. When I was seven years old, my parents bought me a Game Boy Color for my birthday, complete with a copy of Pokemon Blue. That game is what sparked my love for gaming, and I have never looked back. Many years of my life have been spent in front of a screen, playing some of my favorite games. When Toonami was on Cartoon Network back in the late 90's, I got sucked into shows like Dragon Ball, YuYu Hakusho, Zoids, Gundam Wing, and many others. It was my love for these shows that eventually lead me to Fanime in 2011, and again this year in 2012. And of course, I have a very tight group of friends who share my love for playing games, watching anime, and gushing about the latest manga to come out.
However, this is one side of my life. The light side, the Jedi way of things. But while this is going on, there is an extremely different side of me.
From very early on in my life, I was introduced to drugs, alcohol and sex. I had a different group of friends that were completely opposite from my nerdy ones. They weren't the best influences, and I made a lot of dumb choices early on that set the road for me later in life. I lost my virginity when I was 13 years old, and by the time I turned 18, I was no stranger to drinking and smoking. I would often go to raves or clubs on the weekends, or get really drunk at a party. But what I really want to focus on is the girls. There was a long period of time in my life where I was sleeping around with a lot of women. Writing this actually made me stop and count the number of girls that I have had sex with, and I realized that I truthfully can’t come up with a solid number. I’m in the ballpark of 40-50 different girls though, most of who were one night stands or small flings, and many girls who I can’t even remember a name or even a face. All I can recall is an event that I vaguely remember happening. I started crying when I realized this. Like, face-down-in-my-pillow-sobbing kind of crying.
The point that I want to get across is this: I have never considered myself a nerd. Not once in my life have I ever really classified myself as such. Sure I liked video games and anime, but I never really thought of myself as nerdy. What kind of nerd goes out and parties with hot chicks and gets drunk? What kind of nerd goes out clubbing and dancing at raves with strangers? What kind of nerd can meet an attractive girl and actually live out a sexual fantasy with her instead of just thinking about it?
When I was at your panel, you spoke about something specific that really moved me. You said that when a normal guy is at a bar, a club, or a party, and meets a girl, the first thing he is going to think about is sex. I wonder what this girl looks like without clothes, I wonder how nice her tits are, I wonder how much fun she would be in bed. So when he goes up and attempts to seduce her, the worst thing that will happen is the fantasy remains a fantasy. But nerds don’t think like that. When a nerd meets a girl for the first time, he is going to think about a relationship, emotions, and much more meaningful things. He will sometimes spend hours or even years thinking about this girl, and building up this imaginary relationship complete with very real emotions attached. So when a nerd gets rejected by a girl, it’s no longer just a fantasy that is thrown away, it is a very real thing to them, and losing that can sometimes hurt just as much as losing the real thing.
Hearing you talk about this was like you dumped an ice cold bucket of water on my face. Literally, the day before I went to your panel, I was talking to a friend of mine that was at Fanime with me. I had been crushing on this girl for many years, and always thought she would be such an amazing girlfriend. But when I finally admitted all of this to her, she turned me down. I was crushed. It hurt so much, and I realized that I had done exactly what you were talking about. I had created this make-believe relationship, and attached some very real emotions to it without even knowing I had done it. Her rejection stung me so much more then just a random girl at a party. And with her sitting next to me at the panel, and listening to what you were saying, my eyes were opened.
You made me realize something so incredibly obvious about my own life that I had been staring me in the face since I was seven years old and played Pokemon for the first time.
I am a nerd.
It sounds silly, but this was huge for me. I am currently 22 years old, and all the major choices in my life were made without even knowing who I was or what my passion is. It’s been there the whole time, but all I needed was someone to open my eyes and show me. I wish I could accurately express how much this means to me, I know I’m not doing a good job. So I want to give you some examples of how this has helped me.
When I graduated high school, I had the option of going to college. I decided not to because I had no idea what I wanted to major in. I didn’t want to go to college and take classes that I wasn’t going to enjoy, so instead I got a full time job and just started working. When I got back from Fanime, the first thing I did was go look at the spring schedule of classes for my local college. I have loved computers and computer games for years, but for some reason I never thought that I could ever work in that field, it was too nerdy for me to understand. Seriously, that was the logic I used on myself. I talked to my boss today and told him that starting in spring, I’m going to step down from my manager position and continue to work as a part time employee so that I can take classes working on getting my degree in Computer Science. This was a huge deal to me, and I would have never realized that I had that potential if it wasn’t for your lecture.
Another big one, only about a month before Fanime this year, I had broken up with my girlfriend. We shared a lot of the same interests as far as video games and anime, but she wasn’t the kind of girl that I could take with me to a crazy party or club. I eventually broke up with her because she to different then the girls that I had grown accustomed to. The slutty party girls who wanted to get drunk and have sex all the time. After hearing you talk, and doing some soul searching, I realized with a heavy heart that I had made a huge mistake. I once heard a saying that went: “It’s not about the girl you want to spend the night with, it’s about the girl you want to wake up with.†My girlfriend may not have had that crazy party streak, but that doesn’t matter. Because at the end of the day, she loved me for whom I really was, even when I didn’t know who that was. And that was more important than anything else. Without going to your panel, I would have never realized how lucky I was to have had a girl like her, and how stupid I was to throw that away.
I’ll wrap this up now, I’ve already typed way more than I had intended. I just want to thank you again for speaking at Fanime, and I want you to know that your lecture changed the life of at least one nerd in the audience. I’m not even sure if you will read all of this, but listening to you was by far the highlight of that weekend, and you have guaranteed my return to Fanime 2013, if for no other reason than to go to your panel again.
Sincerely,
A nerd. (and proud of it)
